Countries visited: only three (Papua New Guinea, Solomon Islands, Vanuatu) although it felt like dozens in a region where the village over the hill probably speaks a different language
Flights taken: 16 in six weeks. Of which we only had to charter one ourselves (or we would be bankrupt by now). Locals medevac-ed for urgent medical treatment in our spare seats: two
Longest period without a hot shower: two full weeks, although cold showers, hot lava-warmed buckets and using industrial-strength insect repellent as deodorant go a long way (please think of this, when we are being gleeful about our posh flight tickets!)
Nights spent sleeping on the floor with no bedclothes: two. Both in the rain, one in a leaky tent. Never again
Number of naked boobs seen: several hundred. We have started to see them when we shut our eyes. The Horror. The Horror.
Number of naked men seen. None, as a single banana leaf technically counts as being appropriately dressed on Ambrym
Number of birds of paradise slaughtered to make headdresses for the Mount Hagen show: apparently none – apparently all the feathers are antique. So it only looks like thousands of these rare birds have been killed for your amusement
Time it took to get comfortable with everybody being armed with a bloody great machete: shorter than you might think!
Number of times robbed at knifepoint: zero. Number of times we thought someone might be about to rob us at knifepoint…
Occasions on which we fled the country under threat of police action: one. We love Port Moresby (hi Brian!)
Active volcanoes climbed: two. Active volcanoes actually seen: one
Meals consisting solely of bread or crackers, peanut butter and jam: a dozen? Maybe more – memory is merciful
Mind-bendingly incredible experiences you couldn’t get anywhere else in the world. Half a dozen? The Mount Hagen show; a good couple along the Sepik river; the Ambrym festival; Mount Yasur volcano on Tanna; diving on WW2 wrecks in the Solomons. Absolutely amazing.
