There should be a word specifically to describe those far-flung destinations which sound utterly, hair-raisingly epic, but in reality entirely fail to live up to expectation. Timbuktu, apparently is such a one (not much there and it’s pretty rough). Samarkand came pretty close, before finally scraping through (on points) due to its numerous and fabulous architectural sites (which slightly outnumber the numerous and hideous Soviet concrete monstrosities around town). For James and I, Mandalay is the newest addition to this sought after category. We’ll name it the “meh” category, which will be obvious to the Americans – for any Brits out there, “meh” is to an American what “bouff” is to a Frenchman. Utterly, depressingly unworth any vocalization of an opinion.

I mean, Mandalay sounds all romantic, doesn’t it? Visions of Singapore slings at sunset (pith helmets compulsory), the sun on the lazily winding Ayerwaddy river, friendly natives smiling as they walk by balancing bananas on their heads. It SHOULD be colonial Asia at its very best.

What it is, however, is concrete. Lots and lots of it – admittedly made into some reasonably modern and attractive buildings compared with Chinese standards, but basically reminiscent of a suburb in Nowheresville, IforgetitState. The reason most people come here is to visit some extremely scenic villages nearby which have temples ago-go and you can go round by horse and cart for added authenticity. Unfortunately, the pollution in Mandalay is so bad that James (who you may remember had a bit of a cold post our latest floor sleeping experience), had his first bad bout of asthma in the eight years we’ve been together and needed a day in bed to recover.

That being said, we did find some nice bits and bobs; we had a great trishaw ride round town, to a really lovely monastery where a jolly nice monk showed us around whilst explaining his cunning plan to learn English, become an entrepreneur and get rich (and he was a proper monk too, been there 7 or 8 years or so. What’s the Buddhist world coming to?!). Then we went to see the obligatory Mahamani Buddha. Yet another entirely misshapen golden blob caused by enthusiastic application of gold leaf – meh. Then we had some rather fine sundowners on the roof of a far more expensive hotel than ours, overlooking the Ayerwaddy. So all in all, really not too horrific an experience.

But still, any city that makes James ill has to expect my wrath. Mandalay, we were glad to leave you. Your have been officially consigned to the “meh”-heap.